


Equilibrium

by criesmom



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: M/M, dont expect me to ever build on this bc im a piece of shit, this is jsut fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-30
Updated: 2016-06-30
Packaged: 2018-07-19 04:44:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,099
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7345378
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/criesmom/pseuds/criesmom
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Five years after everything settles down, Bucky is still adjusting to his new life. He and Steve tend to get in the car and drive around in silence in the early hours of the morning, and although Steve respects Bucky's process, he sometimes gets impatient. Based on "Drive" by Halsey because I'm trash.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Equilibrium

Bucky’s fingers flexed one after the other in quick succession as he gripped the gear stick between himself and Steve. As they came to a stop light he glanced sideways at him, the red light casting harsh shadows over his face. He was frowning, something Bucky noticed he tended to do a lot more recently. Nothing like the soft, mild mannered boy he had known all those years back in Brooklyn.  
He looked at the time on his watch, his left hand perched on top of the steering wheel almost lazily. The leather straps were battered and worn, more resembling suede than the shiny tan they once were. It was half past three in the morning, meaning they had been driving around aimlessly for two hours already.  
The light turned green and as Bucky made the turn to the on ramp Steve let out a sigh, looking down into his lap and still frowning.  
Bucky glanced at him again, moving his head more than his eyes. “What?”  
Steve jumped a little, pulled out of his stupor. “Sorry?”  
“What was that sigh for?”  
Steve faced out onto the open highway, sighing again and dragging his hand over his face. “It’s nothing, Buck. Don’t worry about it.”  
“Well I wasn’t till you told me not to.” Steve rolled his eyes and smirked, but Bucky pressed him. “Come on, spit it out.”  
He leant his head back against the headrest, lolling it to the side to look at Bucky. “It’s been five years now and things still feel different.”  
Bucky’s grip on the wheel and the gear stick tightened and his jaw tensed up. He gave a shaky nod of his head, trying to steel himself for what Steve would say next.  
Eyes still fixed on Bucky, he continued. “I mean the world is more or less back to whatever normal it was before I woke up. Before,” he waved a hand lazily, searching for an example, “aliens.” He hesitated, and in his periphery, Bucky saw him wet his lips with his tongue, sending goose bumps shooting up his arms. “But things with us are still different.”  
Bucky shifted in his seat and sat up a little straighter, putting both hands on the wheels and gripping it so tight his knuckles were white. “We went through a lot.”  
Steve laughed. “So did the rest of the world, Buck.”  
“I – we – just need some more time-”  
“Five years is a lot of time.”  
“I know that,” Bucky snapped a little, making Steve raise his eyebrows.  
Bucky sighed and silently scolded himself. “Hold on.”  
They sat in silence as they passed various signs, Bucky watching them shoot past overhead, until he found a resting spot and pulled in, listening to the indicator tick on and off.  
He put the car in park and put on the handbrake, turning off the engine but keeping the air conditioning on. He switched off the headlights and unbuckled his seatbelt, twisting in his seat to face Steve.  
Calmly and as if moving through honey, Steve reached up and turned on the interior light, casting shadows over his face again. Though the light from the traffic light highlighted how chiselled he was, this one lit him from above, carving deep circles under his eyes and making his cheeks look hollow. His eyebrows were raised.  
Bucky looked down, resting an elbow on the centre console. “I know it’s been a long time and I know you’re frustrated with me. We both went through a lot and we’re both dealing with that, but we went through a lot of different things.”  
Steve scoffed but Bucky stopped him from interrupting.  
“We grew up together and we were inseparable but we’re not the same person. I have my ways and you have yours. And while you were frozen my mind was being scrambled and re-scrambled over and over again,” his jaw tightened and his fist curled in on itself before he let out a shaky breath. “I need more time.”  
When he looked up, Steve had lent back. The light wasn’t as harsh and there were no bags under his eyes. His face looked softer in that way and in expression.  
“I’m sorry Buck.”  
“It’s okay, I don’t blame you. I just need you to be patient with me.”  
Steve gave him a soft smile, reaching up and turning the light off again, plunging them into darkness. Before his eyes could adjust to the light, he heard Steve lower the back of his seat into lying position and before he could make sense of it, Steve’s hand was on his jaw and his lips were on his.  
Panic set in before instinct. This had happened before, but not since before the war, not since the night before Bucky was sent off. And then it was desperate and longing and clutching onto each other because it could have been the last time. For a long time, it was.  
But now here they were, making out over the centre console like a couple of teenagers, and when Bucky’s heart slowed down he wound his arms around Steve’s neck. Steve’s hand slid down to his waist and his other hand was around his back and pulling him over the console as he lay down, pulling Bucky into his lap.   
And then they were both pulling, pulling on articles of clothing and pulling on lips and pulling on hair and pulling on body parts and it was like the tension in Bucky’s body was melting away. That night before he left had been a goodbye and this was a homecoming. This was the relief he had expected to feel five years ago, the relief that he had been waiting for. Five years too late, Bucky had finally reached his re-equilibrium.   
They lay there, skin clammy and warm on the reclined passenger seat. Bucky’s legs either side of Steve’s waist, his knees pulled up. Steve’s arms secure around his body and his cheek pressed to Steve’s chest, they both breathed heavily. The windows had been fogged up and the air conditioning was burning Bucky’s back, but he had never been as comfortable as he was in that moment.   
Steve planted a kiss on the top of Bucky’s head and moved one hand up to stroke through his dampened hair. Bucky didn’t think he could melt anymore than he already had, but he melted into the touch.  
“Does this mean we’re okay? If not, I understand. I just wanted to check.”  
Bucky nuzzled into his chest as Steve twirled a lock of hair around his finger. “It’s a start.”


End file.
